Saturday, June 25, 2011

Girl Crush

Some have questioned my love for lady gaga. " Why do you love her so much? She dresses so weird! Shes crazy! She has a d!ck" Sigh....

Let me first off by talking her musical talent. I could care less if she has two heads on her. She can sing her ass off, she can play the piano and write her own songs. Ive been to many concerts and Ive seen lip syncing. She did not lip sync the entire concert. She went out, there danced like no ones business and sang the WHOLE time. Don't get me wrong, I like Britney Spears but she doesn't sing AT ALL. When you go to see her show, your going to see her dance and that's about it. Lady Gaga got on the piano and played a beautiful ballad. And the fact that she can turn her feelings into written art without coming out and saying what shes trying to say is amazing to me. If I was going to write a song about a ex it would be like Taylor Swift style, saying He broke my heart Im sad. Lady Gaga puts this crazy twist on it like...The stars hid within the clouds and the moon was lost LOL. I dunno, but you get the point.

                    One of her many outfit and set designs

             Me and my BFF Laura
               Were so adorable
                 Her concerts are HUGE productions

Another HUGE HUGE main reason I love her is because she just doesn't care! She doesn't care if people think she has a d!ck, or if she wears a meat suit. She is who she is. She was (cliche) Born that way. And shes proud of who she is. Her confidence is so admirable. If I had 1/10 of her confidence I would be a much better person. I'm concerned about wearing shorts! And she doesn't care what she wears. Well she cares. See that's the thing, her outfits have thought that goes into each one. There is a story behind every outfit. She just doesn't wear it to be different. Everything has a purpose.

She didn't grow up rich. She got to where she is thru hard work.She believed in something and she wasn't going to give up until she got what she KNEW she could attain. I think again it all comes back to confidence. She knew she could do it and succeed. So even if she hit a road block, she knew eventually she would make it.

I'm sure there are a lot of artists out there who have gone thru similar things. But there is just something about Gaga that draws me to her. She makes me feel like I can do anything, well her music does! I listen to her songs and think, if she can do it...I can do it. Even if I hit roadblocks, eventually I will be where I'm suppose to be.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Addicted to the white stuff....

SUGAR! I'm talking about sugar. The dreaded relationship with food. I go back and fourth with my weight. Or should I say, I get lazy about eating right. Mind you I said Im not a lazy person....but when it comes to doing things for myself, I never take the time Lets talks numbers first!! When I was in high school I stayed at 120lbs. I always thought I was...not overweight but not skinny enough. I never looked the way I wanted to. Still don't. I have this unattainable image in my head. I know its unattainable but I still cannot accept it....I will never be happy. With MYSELF that is. I will never be happy with myself. But you know what they say, You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. This saying is DUMB LOL. Im happy with my kids. My kids make me happy!

Anways...back to the numbers. 120lbs in high school. When I got pregnant with Kaylee I went up to 160lbs. 40lbs I gained! It took me awhile but I lost it. I got back down to 125lbs and I was happy with that. Still not where I wanted to be but once again I knew it wasnt possible. I would say Kaylee was around 2 before I really lost everything weight wise. It didnt happen overnight. It took hard work and eating right. All the things we already know how to do but choose not to.

Sometime after I lost everything...I gained alot back :/  I told you its a struggle!

                                                                  Me & Monica in 2005
                               ugghh Christmas party 2006

                                      Melting Pot 2007

                                  BLAH Jan 2008                           
                                           Sept 2008 (this trip is where I found out I was preggers!)

                                        April 2009
                                         April 2010

                                December 2010

                                                     February 2011

So as you can see, I have not always been thin or the same weight!

So..second child. I weighed 130lbs when I got pregnant with Jeremy. By the time I delivered I was up to 178lbs. So 48lbs gained. Once again 2 years later Im back to the weight I should be. Currently at 125

I worked hard after both kids to loose the weight. I would work out everyday. With Kaylee iw as easier to schedule. The hubby would drop her off at daycare at 630am, I would get to work at 600am. I got off work by 2pm and would head straight to the gym. I would work out for about 90mins then go pick Kaylee up. Kaylee was at naptime until 3pm and then they would wake up and have snack. Kaylee would get SO mad if I picked her up before snack time. I had a inward struggle with myself about going to the gym. "I leave my child at daycare all day then go to the gym? How selfish am I?" But the fact that Kaylee liked the daycare, that guilt was gone. We both would win

Jeremy is not so easy. I would do drop off and pick up of both kids. I would drop them both off around 630am get to work at 700ish. I would leave promptly at 250pm in order to make it to Kaylees school in time to pick her up, then go meet my friend to get Jeremy. It was a constant run around. Throw in Kaylees sports schedule and you can see it can get hectic. I would exercise after the kids were in bed. It worked out fine but it does get old exercising so late at night.

So here we are and Im at this weight I want right? Well...its like a evil cycle I tell you! I lose it, I think oh ive lost weight I can slack off now...and even if I gain it back I KNOW I can loose it again. Its almost like a battle I have with myself to see if I can loose as much as I had previously.

A couple months ago I was down to 112lbs! Now I dont know if the scale was broke or what. Ive never been that small EVER. Slowly I gained some back. I held at 115lbs for awhile. Then I went to 120lbs. I thought to myself ok 120lbs is a good number. Lets stay there, anything more and Ill work hard to loose it. Well now Im up to 125lbs. Granted its still less then what I weight when I got pregnant with Jeremy, I dont like the way I look! See not only does they way I look rule my life but those numbers on the scale do it too.

I know it shouldnt. I should be healthy and as long as I feel good who cares what the scale says right? Riiight right. Easier said then done. When I was down to 112 I was eating fantastic! Fruits, veggies, lean meats, salads, no sweets. When I went to the store I would reallly take my time adn read the labels. I was on a mission to eat healthy and to feed my family healthy as well. Our Friday night ordering turned into a new recipe night followed by a movie. Im a sweets girl. I loooove me some cake, brownies, cookies mmm.
But once it was gone, I didnt miss it.

So you see I know what to do. I know how to eat and how I should eat. But wouldnt know it! Ice Cream, Snowballs, frozen coffee drinks, pizza etc! The list goes on. And as I eat it I think...I shouldnt be eating this...meeehhh  I dont care. All the while knowing I do care. And I always regret it. After I eat Im beating myself up thinking I CANNOT believe I ate that! So as I said, the scale is going up. I can tell my clothes are not fitting quite the same. ANd when I look in the mirror I see the changes. Not to mention my skin isnt nearly as healthy as it was.

When I was in high school I remember thinking, " I cannot wait to get married and have kids so I can let myself go." At the age of 18 I was setting myself up for failure. Thing is I did get married and I did have kids and I still cant "let go" I will always have that image of what I want to be in my head.

So my fight with food continues. I plan on trying to get back on the healthy train. It IS more expensive to buy fresh food...but in the long run, what is more expensive...Dr visits for health issues or fresh food? I think we know the answer! Right now I want to be healthy for my kids! I want to be able to run WITH my kids not after them. I want to be a positive influence on there eating habits and exercise habits. I want them to think eating healthy and exercising is the "normal thing to do".  Id also like to look good in a tight pair of jeans ;)

Potty Time

Sigh....Potty training. Just when I think I have it all figured out, I don't. Kaylee was easy!! She was a little over 2 and in no time she was potty trained. We made a box full of goodies. We painted it together green and red. I went to the $1 store and got lots of toys and candy to put in there. I had coloring books and reading books next to the potty to keep her distracted while using the potty.

You would always know when Kaylee was going potty because she would run and hide. That is when I would snatch her up and stick her on the potty. Each time she went we got VERY excited and she picked a prize. Jeremy...has not been so easy.

             This is Kaylee hiding in a Ocean City Hotel trying to go potty LOL

                                                 She liked her privacy ;)

Jeremy started off GREAT! #1 and #2 both in the potty for a weekend straight. I sent him off to school in underwear right away. After a weekend with no accidents, there was no reason to doubt he wouldn't have issues at school right? Wrong! Going #1 was no problem. It was #2 that was the issue. I can even remember saying "Id rather him have a accident with #2 then #1, at least #2 I can just dump out"

HA! Apparently my boy eats good and doesn't have "dumpables" The daycare he is at throws away his underwear if there too soiled. It took less then a pack of underwear to have me revert back to pull-ups. I really don't like pull-ups, there just like diapers if you ask me. But they have Velcro siding. Like Jeremy knows the difference.

Here is the accidents at all!! Every night he will go #1 and #2 with no issues. He tells my hubby or I when he has to go. Even in a movie theater, restaurant, even outside in a bathing suit. Daycare, he stays a mute. Completely silent while he uses his pull-up to its full capacity!

This is SO frustrating to me. I can only assume the daycare is working with him. I can only assume the daycare is taking him to the bathroom often. But the fact that Jeremy will say at home when he has to go and not at school is bothersome. I guess he just feels comfortable at home to tell us. The teachers say he is shy at school. Which is NOT how he is at home! Its weird how kids can be one way somewhere and another somewhere else.

I wish I was a stay at home mommy....

Couponing is a daunting task

To sit here with TONS of ads and go thru and clip what you will actually use. Things are labeled to be selling points. The ads make the food look delicious and the cleaning products make the the counter sparkle. "Ohhh cottage looks yummy...but i dont like cottage cheese...well maybe it its on sale" So here Iam clipping piles of coupons some of which i know I either dont like or dont need. Thats where they getcha! Uve been watching Extreme Couponing on TLC. Its a fascinating show. But can also lead to extreme frustration. Every time I watch it, I get so exciter about going shopping! Then I go and Im sadly disappointed when I have spent over what the people on the show have. I go into the store with a pile of couons havving NO idea if these things that are on sale, are really even on sale!! I see them in the ad and I have this magic paper that means money off. I have a tocke pile at my house right now. Is it useful? Sometimes. Does the cost offset my time clipping these coupons? Not as of yet it doesnt. I average a savings of around 40-50% NOw I dont know about you but when I think percentages I think grades....40% is a F in school! I failed my job of saving money. So you can see how I can be frustrated

Choosing what store to go to is another hassle. Before I would either go to Safeway or Giant. Why? Because they offer gas rewards. Now...Giant and Safeway are both a good 10min drive away. I pass 2 other grocery stores on the way TO these stores

Giant is expensive, BUT I know when I go in there I can get everything I need in one place. Produce is fresh, they have every brand of everything you need. And of course the kids love the cookie club. There gas program is for every $100 you spend you get .10 off a gallon of gas. I like the instant rewards so I cant keep the gas points on there long before Im using them. The best deal is to go to Shell on Thursdays, which gives you .5 off per gallon. Add that to your .10 .20 off Giant rewards and its not a bad deal.

Safeway has good produce as well. Ive managed to get pretty good deals at safeway. There gas rewards is .10 off gallon. ...thats it. There is no .20 .30 off. Just .10. ANother annoying thing is you have to use the Safeway gas station. Where Giant you can go to any Shell station. So unless your getting gas before or after the store or you live near Safeway, this plan isnt very helpful. Either way, Im still trying. Still clipping and still trying to compare the sale ads to the coupons to the things I buy

Do I even have time for this??

The other day I was getting ready to post a facebook status. A couple different blurbs ran thru my head. My initial thought was to post another "lesson" that I had learned or wanted to learn. ANother thought was to post "so many thoughts so little space." Thats when I thought, Ill write a blog to get all my thoughts out that are more then a sentence long.

 As I sat at the computer trying to think of a web address, the kids are screaming, the hubby needs help, and the laundry is screaming my name. In theory the idea if a blog is a great idea! It would be great place for me ti place all my thoughts down, couponing adventures, people who annoy me ;) A great place to vent freely and maybe get some feedback. But do I even have time for this? I feel like I have NO time for anything. And if I do something, I think, I shouldnt be doing this...I should be doing "that". Whatever "that" is, its always more important then what Im already doing.

My schedule is busy! 7 days a week 365 days a year. Well, maybe theres some off days thrown in there AKA sick days. Work, work, work all day long. As for the evenings, its ran by sports mostly. At least 2x a week Kaylee is either at a sporting practice or a sporting game. Every Friday she has ice hockey. The other 2 days during the week the hubby has band practice. Which leads us to the weekend time. Those are filled with sporting events, band shows, baby showers and birthday parties. Sometimes all of the above. Ive been trying to give couponing a try. That however is VERY time consuming. I use to exercise EVERYDAY! Now I dont know how I did it? I can barely find time to sit down
This is a typical day
540- wake up, shower, get Jeremy ready for daycare
615- leave the house in order to get Jeremy to daycare RIGHT when they open at 630
640/645- after hugs and kisses and preparing his breakfast Im out the daycare door
715/720- work arrival time
345/350- Departure from work
420/430- Pick up little man from daycare
445/450- Arrive home to scarf down dinner, take Jeremy potty, pack a snack
515- Out the door for softball practice/game
745/800- Arrive home, give Jeremy bath, Kaylee gets shower
830- Jeremy goes to bed
900- Make lunches for next day and prepare breakfast
930ish- FInally get to sit down and possibly watch tv

So you can the time 930 rolls around, the last thing I feel like doing after running around ALL DAY is exercising. The last thing I feel like doing is cutting coupons or looking thru grocery ads. I just want to sit down for a couple minutes without thinking and just relax! Im not a lazy person. I actually do LOVE exercising. I feel great after I do it. Maybe I just need to learn some time management> Although the only other option I see is to get up early. And I do NOT consider myself a morning person!! ;)