Saturday, December 29, 2012

Eternal Noise

Its after midnight...and I cant sleep
The house is quiet
But my mind will not stop thinking, remembering, feeling
Usually I'm bothered in my own silence, in my car
Tonight, its different
After midnight, and I cant sleep
Thinking of the lies, the heartbreak, the tears, the sounds of my own sobbing
Thinking of the day that I heard and felt my heart break
Wondering if these thoughts are my own to bear
Confused and realizing that there is no right answer
Wishing I knew the other side
Wishing the other side knew my story
The impact they had on my life, my heart, my soul
Hoping they feel the pain that I feel
Hoping they lay awake at night bothered by the lies they told and the dismay they caused
Hoping that in the silence of the night they hear the sounds of my sobbing
Hoping that with every breathe they take, is a breathe of regret
Hoping that they look in the mirror and dislike their own reflection
I cannot begin to understand or justify their actions
I cannot begin to say I will ever forgive nor will I ever forget
To trust someone your whole life and in one instance, it is broken
Controlled like a puppet
I sit and watch someone else pull the strings while what I knew and loved crashes down around me
I'm helpless
I cannot grasp the concept of what she has made you do
I cannot put into terms why you follow the way you do
I cannot in words express the deep scar and everlasting hurt you have put on me
Every time I granted you the benefit of the doubt
Every time I was so sadly disappointed
Every time I was shocked, hurt and let down
But each time....each time, I thought would be different
Yet it was always the same
I must move on
I cannot change what she has made you do, what you have done
I want to un-hear the words you said
I want to un-hear the lies, the destruction, the pain
But I cannot
The sound echoes in my ears
The sound of betrayal, the sound of everything I know dying
The sound of love bleeds into lies
I wish I could forget, to not think
But I cant
Its 1am...and I cant sleep